Sunday morning peers into my bedroom through the drawn curtains. Outside, a bird sings with gusto, and distantly a lawnmower roars to life. Downstairs I hear my wife and children playing. I lay in bed, listening to the sounds drifting up to me. Laughter, thumps, joy. The usual sounds of morning. Except… something is missing. There are no footsteps running upstairs and no falsetto cries of “DADDY!”

They don’t know I am awake yet. They don’t know.

I am free.

I enjoy the nothing going on around me for a few minutes before biology ruins my indulgence. I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom. Opening the door, I am shocked to see Brianne already sitting on the bowl.

“Daddy! I’m in here!” She squawks with a smile and an accusatorily pointing finger.

“Sorry Hon, I was just going to go potty.” I reply as I back out of the bathroom and sit back down on the edge of my bed.

“I’m making a pee AND a pooh” Brianne helpfully says through the closed door.

“That’s nice, are you almost done? I need to go pee and pooh also.” I say.

“I’ll hurry! Don’t poop your pants!” She cries.

“Take your time, I just woke up, I’m not even wearing pants yet.” I reply.

“OK” She starts before hastily adding “Don’t poop on your wiener!”

I have no response to this.