“OK, Ant, stand up straight, you can’t slouch or you’ll miss.”

“Good, just, oh no, you don’t have to stretch it so far, you’ll hurt yourself, relax. Just aim it.”

“No. No no no no no aim it in. IN the bowl!”

“Don’t pinch the end, you’re blocking it.”

“No, keep standing straight, you can’t bend down to look, now you’re aiming at the floor.”

“IN THE BOWL, come on!”

“Ok, you’re doing good, just let it go and, oh man, doesn’t that hurt to stretch it like that?”

“Yes, I see, you’re doing very well.”

“OH GOD, KEEP IN FORWARD!”

“No, you can’t have a cookie. When you’re all done, yeah.”

“Ok, now give it a shake. Just one shake. Just one.”

“Ok, lets wash our hands. And the rim. And the floor. And go change our clothes.”

“Here’s your cookie.”

And that’s the story of how I taught my son to stand when he pees.


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