Like most children, Brianne and Anthony take every opportunity to crush any happiness Marie and I find in life.

Usually small things, like screaming us awake on weekend mornings or touching our food and then commenting on the big pooh they just took and how they forgot to wash their hands. Real cute stuff. Recently, an adorable new game has emerged.

In day to day life, Marie and I are very close, and we hug and kiss a lot. Before and after work, we’ll kiss and say goodbye or hello. While she prepares dinner, I’ll sneak up and hug her, resting my head on her shoulder while she works. Just passing one another from room to room usually involves some form of pinching and giggling. These expressions of a happy marriage have prompted our wonderful children to fling themselves into action. More precisely, to fling themselves literally in-between us.

The amount to blockage varies dependent on how much canoodling Marie and I are getting up to. A quick kiss will cause a squawking alarm while longer hugs will end with tiny arms and legs wriggling us apart. Those little assholes.

Marie and I are smart though. We’ve turned this situation around, threatening to snuggle unless they clean their rooms, making exaggerated kissing noises until they get in their pajamas, and so on. This new form of parenting is more effective than yelling and threatening, and comes with the added bonus of my two favorite things; annoying my children and making out with my wife.

If only I could figure out a way to work cheese fries into the mix.


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